Safely Home

Hermana Myers is returning on an Honorable Medical Release

We just receive Hermana Myers flight plans for Thursday along with a short note from her mission president that said she was a good and obedient missionary. If you have kept up with her letters you know that the pace of a missionary has reeked havoc on Hermana Myers in many physical ways.   We made a joke and told her she was just serving a senior mission of a year.  She will being arriving home one year to the day she entered the MTC. We are proud of her and all she has done to serve the Lord while she was out and expect that she will continue to serve in many ways when she gets home. This was her last email from the field:

Jacob 7:26-27

"26 And it came to pass that I, Hermana Myers, began to be old; and the record of this people being kept on the other plates of Nephi, wherefore, I conclued this record, declaring that I have written according to the best of my knowledge, by saying that the time passed away with us, and also our lives passed away like as it were unto us a dream, we being a lonseome and a solemn people, wanderers, cast out from Jerusalem, born in tribulation, in a wilderness, and hated of our brethren, which caused wars and contentions, wherefore, we did mourn out our days.

27 And I, Hermana Myers, saw that I must soon go down to my grave; wherefore, I said unto my companion, Hermana Stevenson: Take these plates. And I told her the things which my brother Nephi had commanded me, and she promised obedience unto the commands. And I made an end of my writing upon these plates, which writing has been small: and to the read I bid farewell, hoping that many of my brethren may read my words. Brethren, adieu."

Couldn't help it :). See you in a few days!

Thank you to everyone for your love and support of Hermana Myers.

I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith

2 Timothy 4:7

A Big Decision

Hello Family!                                                                                                                        March 17, 2014

For starters, my scale is from 1 to 10, 1 being I just want to curl up into a little ball and cry for days and days and a 10 being take THAT Satan! *punch in face*. I hope that made you all smile, it made me chuckle a little. This week I was probably a little more on the 6ish low 7 range.

This week was actually pretty good on my part. A lot of things happened, highs and way lows. This is my letter to President today: 

"We had a pretty interesting experience this week with a family involving following the Spirit in asking questions, things happening for a reason, and prayers answered.

We're teaching a family  They were one of the families we watched Joseph Smith: Prophet of the Restoration with and it went really well. The daughter is a recent convert of about six months, I believe, and from spending time with her and hearing her comments about some things, we were a little alarmed and wanted to make sure she understood everything the Elders had been teaching her. So we decided to go for a walk with her to get her away from her family so she could talk openly and not get distracted. We brought a sheet and just sat in the park and talked. We asked her questions about her testimony, helped her understand that a testimony isn't some long, boring story that people tell for fun, and we talked about her past experiences to help her realize that she does have a testimony to some truths. It was awesome. The Spirit was super strong and our relationship was strengthened greatly. So that was awesome.

Then we went and visited on Saturday after the conference.  We ended up talking about forgiveness and the Atonement. . . We explained the situation (too personal to post) and Bishop instructed us in what he wanted us to do he wants us to continue visiting. . .He then went on to explain that us being in this area has been an answer to a lot of prayers because they knew something must be going on with this family but they didn't really have a way to get in because the Elders didn't have any kind of relationship with the family. He then went on to say that this is just the tip of the iceberg in our area they're extremely grateful that we're here."

So that explains that. Thank you for the pictures, by the way. And as much as getting a mani or pedi sounds, I think I'm going to pass. I do need flat socks because the ones I bought before I left had died so I hope it's okay  that I go to Target today and buy some. 

So now for the happy part of the week. I stinkin' shook Elder Neil L. Andersen's hand. And he stood like, 3 feet away from me during the conference and made eye contact with me like, 4 times. Super intimidating but not because he's super humble... really mixed feelings during those few seconds. It was actually kind of funny, we were sitting at the back of the chapel, the front row of the overflow. We were joking around before the conference started that "we couldn't see". Pf. Little did we know he'd be having a traveling mic on his tie. There was an elder that was making a comment in the back, so naturally I turned around to see him (the elder) while he was talking. Then he was done, and I turned around and was startled to see Elder Andersen staring at me from 3 feet away. Well, hello there. He then stood in the little isle there for a few minutes and talked. We joked around on the way home that it must have been comical to see all 4 (the Hermanas we drove with) of our faces of awe as he stood so close. It was funny. 

I unfortunately, again, forgot my notes. But he talked a lot about the Atonement. He didn't talk at all about teaching, which was interesting because I learned more about teaching hearing him talk about the Atonement then I would've if he talked about teaching. He talked about how the Atonement isn't something that's just physically experienced, it's spiritually experienced. You have to feel like you've been forgiven of your sins in order to really feeling the Atonement in your life. He also talked about how they make mission calls. Speaking of that, has Rhina gotten her call yet? The other thing he mentioned that struck me was that if we don't know what else to talk about, talk about Christ. We are his representatives, after all.

Hopefully I'll remember my notes next week and I can do a little more explaining about what I learned because my mind is a little fuzzy right now. I didn't really have time to let it all sink in. 

Here are the answers to your questions:

What is it about teaching that you don’t like?

I feel really hypocritical because half the time if I'm teaching something, I struggle with it myself (faith, enduring to the end, etc.) or I just feel like I don't know enough (I know you'll counsel me on how that doesn't matter, I know enough, blah blah blah. Yeah. Heard that all before. Doesn't help. Still feel that way.) 

Do you not like sharing the principles of the gospel? 

No, I just don't like feeling pressured like every single conversation I have with someone has to be Gospel related. I got annoyed when people did that to me before my mission and I've met plenty of people here that have said the same thing.

 Is it because you feel limited in sharing your feelings and knowledge of the gospel in Spanish? 

I don't even care about Spanish at this point. I still struggle, but I've stopped caring. I have bigger fish to fry. I can't even express myself in English.

Is it the fear of rejection when inviting people to make commitments?

Nope.

And how often are you sleep deprived?

I feel like every day.

Do you know what caused the sleep deprivation? 

Nope. I just never feel rested when I wake up in the morning, no matter how well I sleep.

Is it something you have control over?

I don't think so.

 Is it something that just happened once or happens often? 

Happens a lot. Probably 5 out of 7 nights. And that's being generous because I'm in a good mood.

Do you like studying the gospel?

I love studying the Gospel. Half the time I just want to stay in our apartment and keep reading. If anything, that's what's gotten me this far. 

Who have you uplifted this week and how? 

I feel I have already answered that question with my stories from this week.

How many tender mercies have you felt and in what ways did they come?

I've had a lot of support this week of people encouraging me. Even people that don't know I want to go home.

Did you enjoy your pictures? 

Very much. 

Does it help to see the those pictures, to remember you have a cheering section? 

Yes

And here's what's coming up this week. My therapist wants me to make a definite decision by a due date. I gave myself until Thursday of this week. I feel like I have one of two options: Stay and start taking medication or go home and don't take medication. I don't really want to tell what I'm thinking about right now because I want to make sure it is my decision and not what every one else thinks. But yeah. That's where I'm at at this point.

Alrighty. Well. I think this is the longest email I've ever sent.

I love ya!

Hermana Myers

Update

Our ecclesiastical leader here in the Quad Cities was able to check in with Hermana Myers and her mission president.  I am grateful Hermana Myers is comfortable telling things as they are and as she feels even if that means the rest of us may worry. Sometimes ignorance can be bliss.

We are grateful that Chloe has a wonderfully caring mission president and that he allowed President Cropper, our stake president, a chance to talk to Chloe and let her know she can do it and that everyday may not be the euphoria she had planned as her mission but she can recognize the good that is around her like we all have to do on the learning curve of life.

One great thing is that President Cropper asked her to quantify her week on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being over the moon, so we know better how she is feeling.  When they talked she was a 5, so we are happy with that.

She knows she can do it and President Cropper encouraged her to look for those fellow children of God she can touch and reach out to.

Ken and I feel much more at ease about the situation and appreciate the concern and support we have felt from everyone.  I really do think we learn from working through what seems difficult at the time with help from those who love us.  Isn't that what it means to comfort those who stand in need of comfort?  Thanks! Let us all press on in the work of the Lord!

Alma 17:11

And the Lord said: Go forth . . . and establish my word; yet ye shall be patient in long-suffering and afflictions, that ye may show forth good examples unto them in me, and I will make an instrument of thee in my hands unto the salvation of many souls.

I Love Hermana Myers and Couldn't Be More Proud

The letter I sent to her had one paragraph of questions to help us better understand what she is going through.  The questions are in italics at the beginning of each paragraph and then she goes on to answer it. I think she did a wonderful job explaining and I have happy that as her mother I thought this was close to what was happening.  I am grateful for all the prays and fasting on her behalf.  She still has her sense of humor in tack and I think she is aware of the many people who love her.  I am very encouraged by this letter and would ask that everyone not forget her with emails, letters in the mail, prays and uplifting thoughts.

Dear Family,

Thanks for making me cry in the library... ;). But seriously, I appreciate all the love and support. I'm going to try to express my feelings the best I can but who knows if they make sense... my thoughts are all over the place right now. . .

Are you mad?  

I wouldn't say mad, just frustrated. With everything. Other people, myself, my lack of wanting to stay, my lack of ability to put all my trust in the Lord to help me through this hard time. Then I go to church which is supposed to make me feel better, and it does to an extent, but then it also includes lessons of enduring to the end and instead of inspiring me to do more, it just makes me feel worse because I want to quit.

Are you still doing missionary work most of the week but run out of steam?

I'm doing as much missionary work as I can. We usually leave the apartment around noon and work until 9. Sometimes we take little "breaks" and do things like make cards for people or bake or yesterday we went to the park for dinner because a member gave us food to take so we just had a little picnic and watched the clouds for a little bit. So I'm trying really hard to forget myself and do missionary work, but then we get into lessons and I disengage. I try not to, I really do, but half the time I either have no clue what to say or I feel hypocritical because why should I have any right telling them what faith is or how to endure to the end or how much the Gospel will bless their family if I can't even serve the Lord for 18 whole months and put my faith in him to help me make it through that, endure the 18 months, and when I'm doing this service I'm miserable. I don't always think that, but that's what goes through my head usually around the end of the week when I'm at my lowest.

Why/How do you think coming home is going to make the anxiety and depression improve? 

I think coming home would help the anxiety. I don't know so much about the depression. I think it would be hard for the first few days, but after I've had some serious self reflecting, time to spend with the family, and just time alone, I think I'll be able to move on. I think my main think as far as this goes, is I feel like I don't have time to do anything that I want to anymore. I can't even get my life figured out in time to help other people. I have no time to do some self searching because all of my study time is focused on the people I'm teaching. And if I take time to study for myself, I feel bad because I have absolutely nothing to contribute in our comp. study. I really don't think coming home will solve all my problems. Either way, at this point both staying and going home have major consequences, both good and bad. As of right now, I don't want to go home and I think I can make this whole mission thing works. The problem is, I can't keep that for the whole week or even the whole day.

We know that missions are tough and hard work but it sounded like you were enjoying the work for the most part.  When did that change?  

I enjoy the people. I've always enjoyed the people. I like just spending time with the people, the part I struggle with is when it comes to sharing the Gospel with them and trying to do this whole missionary work like everyone says I need to. You're probably thinking, "Oh, well just do it your way then." Yeah, I tried that and no one agrees that that's how missionary work should be done because that's not what Preach My Gospel (the missionary training manual) says and that came from the First Presidency and I'm just a little prideful missionary that wants to do things my way because I don't want to be pushed out of my comfort zone. Not that I'm staying in the comfort zone, but that's what I feel like any time we have any sort of meeting or training or even do planning. And all of my companions have known this is how I feel and they always pull out the "Well, this is what the leaders say." Okay. Fine. I'll try. And try. and TRY. Still fail. Merh. I just don't know how to connect at all because I feel like when we do it the PMG(Preach My Gospel,the missionary training manual) way, it's really insincere and I hate insincere people. I don't want to be a cookie-cutter missionary, but I want to be obedient. So many confusings! I've even talked to President Van Cott about it, and he agrees on my side, but then trying to get that to everyone else doesn't work. And I don't want to change what kind of a missionary Hermana Stevenson is because that's selfish.

What actually triggered the full blown panic attack?

So the panic attack was caused by pretty much everything I just said, plus I was on my period and sleep deprived and all that was just working against me. 

I really do want to start being more open with you during this time so if you have any more questions just let me know and I'll try to answer them the best I can. I would love to hear from President Cropper(our ecclesiastical leader for the Quad Cities area), I hope he gets that approved with President Van Cott. I don't see why he wouldn't other than the fact that President is probably running all over the place with Neil L. Anderson(member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles) coming this weekend. I'm also anxiously awaiting my pictures :). And I finally got my translator! Thank you so much! It's been super helpful this last week!

Much love,

Hermana Myers

The Little Hermana Who Could!

Hello family!

I think this week was harder than the last. I'm trying so hard to work and to put out of my mind any thoughts of going home and just forget myself, but half the time it just makes it worse. I'm working on my perfectionist modules and my automatic thought record that my therapist gave me but again, I feel like they just make things worse. I'm praying as hard as I can and I even stopped praying in Spanish so I feel like I can properly express myself. I feel a little bit stronger today though. I'm hoping this "second wind" lasts for a few more days.

Transfers are today! I'm staying in Fontana with Sister Stevenson! Nothing is really changing in our ward except Elder Torgersen is leaving the trio. Hermana Rosales (I don't know if you remember her but she was my companion with Hermana Fogg in the desert for a bit...) is going to Redlands to be companions with Hermana Harris. So that'll be interesting. I'm pretty excited for this transfer. We have a lot of exciting things coming up. First, ELDER NEIL A. ANDERSEN IS COMING TO SPEAK TO US!!!(He is one of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles) Woot woot! Just found that out today. So that'll be pretty sweet. We (Hna. Stevenson, Elder Twitchell and I) hit 1 year! In case you forgot ;). Then General Conference! So I have little victories to look forward to to keep me going during this transfer. 

Some cool things did happen this week though. Mostly yesterday. The whole Cuevas family came to church! Do you know how many people that is? 8. 7 of which are investigators! It was so cool! And they all loved it and are excited to come back! One of the kids, Sam, is deaf so he was a little frustrated. We're trying to get in contact with the ASL missionaries from the Riverside mission to come up here and help us out. Hopefully it'll all work out. Hermana Stevenson and I got to learn some sign language though. I now know how to sign, "How are you?" "What is your name?" "My name is Hermana Myers." "what" "who" "flower" "English" "Spanish" and "taco". Super random but it was fun. One of the Cueva's, Lupe, signs and she's been teaching us. It's fun. We're going over tonight and showing her "As I have Loved You" so she can tell us exactly how to do it so we can do it for Sam. I think he'll enjoy it a lot.

As far as other needs go, I think I'm good for now. Thank you so much for my surprise! I kind of laughed when you said that there was a surprise in the package because the package itself was a surprise. but yeah. I'm a happy camper now, at least when I'm sleeping :). (Sent her the baby blanket that I have recovered 4 times in 21 years)

I do think I had a lot of tender mercies this week. We went on exchanges on Friday and I was with Sister McCoy in our area. She was very patient with me (that was one of my lower days this week) and we just talked a lot. We only had two lessons but she helped me out a bunch. Hurrah for Sister Training Leaders! All things considered we had some pretty ground breaking lessons too. We invited Cassandra to be baptized and she's all for it, she just wants to learn more. That's pretty exciting too!

Well, I think that's all for the week! I love you all and I really appreciate your love and support!

Much love,

Hermana Myers

Hermana Myers, Making Diamonds Out of Coal!

These were our pep talks:

Chris:

Dad and I felt it was important to contact the mission for further details and confirmation that we shouldn’t worry.  You sounded great in your letter and as if the panic attack was a little blip in the road but we wanted a second opinion. Our only concern now is that you feel you are not having “success” on your mission. We are thrilled with all your successes on you mission, because bringing souls unto Christ is so much more than just the outward ordinance of baptism. Everyone who reads your blog is inspired by you and grows from your attitude and outlook. Remember Moro 7:16,19 about how we can judge if a thing is of God, 

"wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for everything which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is set forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God . . . wherefore I beseech of you, brethren, that ye should search diligently in the light of Christ that you may know good from evil; and if ye will lay hold upon every good thing, and condemn it not, ye certainly will be a child of Christ."

Don’t condemn the good you have done because it doesn’t measure up to someone else’s definition of successful missionary work. The Lord uses everyone’s talents in different ways for the good of his kingdom.  I know sometimes it feels bad to not be able to visually have other’s see your successes but really there are many people that do.

Ken:

Hey sweetie! I wanted to address some of your concerns and possible causes of stress. Although I’m taking a stab in the dark at them, I’m thinking that some of it comes from the weekly reports you have to turn in and I can imagine the District Leaders and Zone Leaders badgering you for not having any baptisms. “If we are obedient and have more faith, then the baptisms will naturally follow." I heard these and similar attempts to motivate missionaries that while well intentioned, somehow miss the mark and inadvertently put pressure where it should not be. It is true that obedience and faith will bring miracles, we are not to define when or how those miracles are manifest. You may not have any baptisms yet in California, but I can assure you that you are having a very positive effect here in Iowa and throughout the country as people read your blog and share in your journey. 

Your success as a missionary has nothing to do with the number of baptisms you have and more to do with the lives that you affect and the internal growth that you experience. If your DLs or ZLs are somehow making you feel less than capable, remind them that Spencer W. Kimball only had one baptism his entire mission! I don’t think that they would dare call him anything less than a spiritual giant and successful missionary.

Also don’t let anyone else have the power to tell you that you are anything less than exceptional. There will always be people who will try and tear you down and mock or make fun of you (remember the great and spacious building?). Well press onward, holding fast to the iron rod with both hands. Don’t let go with one hand to wave, keep both hands firmly grasped on and forge ahead through the mists of darkness. The reward at the end is worth any and every sacrifice and difficulty that we face. You are my beloved daughter and I couldn’t be more proud of you. Especially in admitting your weaknesses and dealing with them head on. Remember Ether 12: 26-28  26 And when I had said this, the Lord spake unto me, saying: Fools mock, but they shall mourn; and my grace is sufficient for the meek, that they shall take no advantage of your weakness;

 27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my  grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make  weak things become strong unto them.

 28 Behold, I will show unto the Gentiles their weakness, and I will show unto them that faith, hope and charity bringeth unto me—the fountain of all righteous.

I love you,

Dad

Hello!

Thanks for the pep talk, fam! I really appreciate your readiness to help! I don't really think there is anything you can do different at this point. Just keep praying for me and keep your covenants.

I know this is probably really bad timing with all the loving notes about how baptisms don't mark the success of a missionary, but JORGE GOT BAPTIZED!!! And I got to go! Here's a picture! This is the Cueva's (those that found him) and all the missionaries that taught him and Hno. Rodgriguez who baptized him. 

Saturday was an interesting day... Hermana Stevenson had a baptism in Yucaipa and I had one in Redlands... so we found our two member rides and left within an hour of each other. I had to kind of find two rides... because my ride (Cynthia) didn't have a car... so her cousin Danny took us. He got home a half an hour later than he was supposed to so Cythia and I ran out the door. I got into the car and almost suffocated from the smell of cologne in the car. Then he had to get gas... Merh. So Cythia and I ran into the gas station because it was a pay first gas station. We proceeded to make fun of Danny while we were in there because of the cologne. Then we got to the baptism. No one was there. It ended up starting an hour late because Jorge's family wasn't there. So that was funny. All went well though. I had to leave a little early so I could get home in time. Oh yeah! I got to see the Ruiz's (family from the desert that fed us every Monday) because they gave Hermana Bates a ride. It was fun! 

I really enjoyed this week though. Throughout the week I had been thinking a lot about my situation and everything. The thing that was hardest for me was that I wasn't sure if this was my "enough's enough" moment or if this was just another tial to make me strong (obviously either way it's a trial to make me stronger... but I mean a trial that I would over come and stay on my mission, ya know?) I was really worried about whether or not I should stay and if it really would be worth it.(to clarify, the initial stress was not about whether or not to come home, that thought was something that came from her therapist and something she worked through just this week.) I was reading my patriarchal blessing today during my personal study and a line really stuck out to me. It said something along the lines of, "You will be of great courage in doing what He (Heavenly Father) asks of you knowing that as you please Heavenly Father, you will have no need to fear the temporal consequences of the things that you do." That hit me like a ton of bricks. My patriarchal blessing has been a huge strength for me and I'm all ready now to keep truckin' on!

One thing I would appreciate though is if you could email me a copy of my mission call. Apparently that's a good thing to read while you're on your mission too.

Much love!

Hermana Myers

Also, I forgot to make a note for Dad. My district leader and zone leaders aren't baptism crazy. They've actually helped me out a lot in this time. They're all elders I've served with before and have become pretty good friends with so it's been nice having them here and serving with them again.